Feigning Love
by GIA-B
Summary: My first ever Digimon Fanfiction. It is set during their Senior Year. Mimato....R&R Please and Thanks.
1. Default Chapter Title

Title: Feigning Love Part 1  
Written by: Gia  
Email: gia_b86@hotmail.com  
Rating: G (as of yet)- PG-13  
Summary: This story is set during their Senior Year. If there is some information in my story that doesn't fit with the show, please forgive me. I haven't been watching the show for very long.  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Some say that life as we have once seen it, has passed us by. Some say that love as we have experienced has diminished. But no one I have heard has said that love in its entirety is painful.  
  
  
Until now.  
  
"Joking." I said quickly, the expression on Matt's face was priceless. His face fell and he shrugged.  
  
"I knew you were joking Mimi. I always know." He said with a convincing smile. Ha! As if he did. Matt wasn't exactly the most humorous of us all.  
  
"You did, did you? Well in that case I'm sure every other joke I say will not be taken seriously from now on am I right?" Matt smiled and nodded. Though I was sure somberness wasn't far off.   
  
"Well anyway, I better get home and call Kari." He said with a chuckle. "She might get mad that I haven't call yet."  
  
My face fell. Of course, why hang out with your best friend when you can call your girlfriend who likes someone else? Of course, I was Kari's friend too. I nodded and my brown hair, that had moments before been idle, cascaded onto my shoulders.   
  
He must have seen my expression for the smile that graced his beautiful features was weak and sorrowful. Could it be that he was as helplessly fallen as I was? Impossible. If it were true then why was he still with Kari.  
  
As I watched his fleeting form fall out of view, I was awed at his credibility. He liked Kari, maybe even loved her, but the fact still remained that we all were best friends once. Even if those years passed like the rains over Japan, I won't forget them. And if I know Matt, he won't forget as well.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My shoes hit the floor as soon as I was situated in the landing. My hand reached out for the handset on the mantle. I needed to call Kari. I needed to end it, if not for my sake, then for Mimi's.   
  
I felt the power of her when I was with her today. I felt the contentment of a pure love. When I told her that I was going to call Kari when I got home, she looked like a bruised and battered warrior. I should have told her that I was going to end it because the feelings that I had for her weren't going to pass.  
  
I just hope Ken doesn't swoop in while Mimi is sad and vulnerable. It was obvious his feelings for Mimi ran deep, but I know my feelings aren't going to go away. I also know that if I don't take the opportunity to experience being in love, especially with someone like Mimi who loves you back, then I might never know true beauty.  
  
I enter the familiar numbers into the keypad on my portable phone. The rings are quick in succession and sharp in their intensity. After the third ring, the phone is answered.   
  
"Hello?" Echo's the voice of Kari. Her beautiful voice still amazes me. But I need to finish this. It will only lead to massacre if I don't.  
  
"Hey Kari, it's me Matt." I whisper softly. Almost too softly, I don't want to worry her. She might think something is up and question me before I'm ready to spill.  
  
"Matt! I was waiting for you to call. How was lunch with Mimi? I'm sorry I couldn't be there, but you know how it is." Mimi explained pathetically. I knew for a fact how it was, which was another good reason for ending this. T.K. had stolen her heart. It's a good thing too. Considering the recent advancement of my feelings.  
  
"I have something I need to say Kari. I need y-" I began.  
  
"I love you." She stage whispered. Oh no. This wasn't happening. She is in love with T.K.! Maybe she senses something is up and was trying to get validity.   
  
"I need to break up with you, Kari." I whispered in reply. She took in an audible gasp and all was silent. "Kari?"  
  
"I need to get a drink of water, how about I call you later?" She said in a rush. Before I could reply with the usual 'Of course' bit, she had hung up and the click sounded in my ear.  
  
I wonder what she is REALLY doing. I wonder if she is calling T.K. I guess I should probably call Mimi. Even better I'll go to her house to deliver the news in person.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My heart pounded in my chest and I was immediately reminded of why I was here. I needed someone to validate me. I needed to be reminded that I was worth something, to someone. I needed to be loved, if even for just a moment.  
  
I hit the doorbell, why protested in a 'ding dong' sound. Bounding footsteps quickly followed the ring, and I readied my self for the ultimate rendezvous that was sure to follow. After all it was why I was here.  
  
The door swung open and there stood Ken.  



	2. Default Chapter Title

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
PART 2  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My feet pounded along the solid cement, as Mimi's house entered into view. A smile ascended onto my face. I was helpless to stop it, not that I had any reason to do so. My paced slowed but my heart quickened. It was hard to be excited when you were scared out of your wits.   
  
I just hope she is home. I would hate to be so damn happy with no outlet or anyone to talk to.   
  
I make my way up the pathway to her doorstep and I obediently ring the doorbell. Silence. I ring it again, just in case it wasn't heard the first time. Still no answer.   
  
"Where could she be?" I ask myself aloud.   
  
"Who?" I hear behind me. I turn to face the intruder, who trespassed on my thoughts. It was Ken. But he wasn't alone. My eyes travel the length of the mystery guest's legs and eventually my eyes make it to their eyes.  
  
"Mimi?" I asked bewildered. Her eyes are bloodshot, and puffy. She's been crying. Why? Please don't say it has anything to do with Ken. If he laid a finger on her I will-  
  
"Hello Matt. Ken here was just walking me home." She turns her attention to Ken and he leans down to give her a chaste kiss on her cheek. My eyes almost bulge out of their sockets. I quickly regain my composure and I am a stonewall of emotion.  
  
"Bye babe." Ken whispers quietly and then throws me a pointed glance. I return with little to no enthusiasm. He makes his way down the path, turning the corner probably to head back to his house.  
  
"Well Matt what brings you here?" Mimi asks. I can't believe she just kissed Ken. Davis would be furious if he knew she kissed his soccer rival. I turn to look at her, shock evident on my face.  
  
"I could ask you the same thing." I shoot back. She looks confused.  
  
"I live here." She replies simply. I eye her for a minute then the full implications of her statement filters through my fuzzy mind.  
  
"I meant what is he doing here?" I asked, my hand gesturing to the exact spot that Ken had recently vacated.  
  
"He was dropping me off at home. Anyways, weren't you supposed to call Kari?" Kari's name is said with venom.   
  
"That's why I'm here. I broke up with Kari." I say in a matter-of-fact tone. She looks unimpressed. This was not the desired affect I was going for.   
  
"What's the matter with you?" I ask. Then before I can take it back, or mend the obvious gap it's about to make, Mimi grows angry.  
  
"What's the matter with me? Your asking me what the matter is with me? You come over to tell me that you broke up with Kari, are you expecting some kind of victory party or something? Because if you are I have news for you Yamato… I don't care."  
  
This shocks me, and I'm sure she can see it all over my face too.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I can't believe I just told Matt off. He's going to be furious. But I needed to say it. He needed to know that I refuse to be his 'b-plan'. I know I could have been less harsh to make my point, but the adrenaline rush I got from shouting at him was phenomenal.   
  
"I'm sorr- Wait! You don't care? I don't care if you don't care! I broke up with her because I had feelings for you and I couldn't go on dating her if it meant that I would see you every day and not be able to express my feelings for you." He shouts at me. My eyes grow wide and I swallow a lump that forms in my throat. But like I said before. I refuse to be his 'b-plan'.   
  
"I need to go now. I'll see you later." I quickly move pass him, and I enter my house without a backward glance. If I had turned around, I'm sure I would have run into his arms. But this is for the best. Ken will be good for me, and I will be good for him. Even if it means giving up Matt.  



	3. Default Chapter Title

Feigning Love Part 3  
  
It appeared to be the only way. She was angry, and I knew it. She could have at least explained where all this anger was coming from, but I'll accept what I get now. 'Wait!' I think angrily, 'I am not going to let her stomp off angry with me, when I gave up my girlfriend for her! I love her!'   
  
But instead off racing up her doorsteps I instead walked away. Like the coward I am. Yes that's right folks... Yamato Ishida walks away from love, romance, and anything related to the heart.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
My heart hurts. I have never, in my life, felt something quite as painful as the actual physical contracting of my heart. I never knew that a person, more specifically one I loved, would ever hurt or emotionally scar me. Perhaps I was wrong, which leads me to believe I was wrong about a lot of things.   
  
As of recently, I have been suffering from love's most common byproduct... suicidal manic depression. Not that I plan on killing myself, because I don't, it's just that at times I feel that life couldn't be any worse even if I was dead. So I crumple to the ground in my agony, and cry for all I'm worth. I suppose that the situation proves that I am, in fact, capable of loving another human being.   
  
That's not as reassuring as I originally thought.  
  
I can't live like this. I can't cry because crying seems the only thing left to do that has meaning, and I refuse to give up a life of vanity, and charm, for a life of hate and pain. Its not in my contract, and nor will it ever. I shudder at the thought of dieing, but quickly retrain my thoughts.  
  
I need a drink.   
  
Unfortunately, at my age, drinking seems to be the least wise of all my possible choices. I could probably watch T.V. But again, hurt and pain emanate from the boob tube. Instead, I carry my seemingly lifeless body up the stairs to my room where I fall into a restless sleep.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
Yamato. Ba! Who does he think he is, anyway? I, for one, am sick and tired of his mindless, unvented, frustration. He thinks he can be angry at Mimi for not being as much in love with him as he is with her, but really... did he actually, for one minute, think she had it in her to love someone below her?   
  
Unfortunately for me, our relationship, or lack there of, is only a temporary affair. We both know it. There is no point in beating around the bush. But until the day comes where she feels that she has had enough of me, and I know she will despite my attempts at self-contradiction, then I shall set her free.   
  
I don't wish to burden her with stupid false beliefs that love exists in the most unreliable, and unrealistic places, and so I shall only stay as long as she wants. But I do hope she wants me as long as I want her.  
  
Forever is what I'm for. Damn me, and my high expectations.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
It is impossible to reason with her, impossible to the point of being compromised. I have tried, truly I've tried, its just a fact of life that every poor sap must go through. Unfortunately, it is not something that can be taken lightly.  
  
So before I lost my composure, and cried like the scared and angst-filled person that I am, I walked to her door, rang the bell and waited patiently for the small footfalls that would give evidence of her arrival. My heart hammered and I nearly, or so it felt, fainted. But of course with every great expectation, comes the inevitable downfall.  
  
She was not only angry at my unannounced visit, but was thoroughly livid with me. What did she expect? The loss of a battle without a fight? Of course I will fight for what I believe is rightfully mine. After all my heart has been hers for so long, I feel she is more like a tenant of it then someone I just love. A tenant, who is impossible to evict.   
  
Please let her love me. I beg her forgiveness with my eyes, rather then with my words, and hope to God she got the message.  
  
"No." She said simply before shutting the door and leaving me speechless for the second time today.   



	4. Default Chapter Title

Feigning Love PART 4  
By: GIA  
Email: gia_b86@hotmail.com  
Author's Notes: For those of you who are unsure how the title fits into the story then here is your answer. 'Feigning' is more or less another words for 'Pretend' or 'Fake'. So in relation to this story, Mimi is faking love. She doesn't love Ken, and doesn't plan to, but she realizes that he loves her. So she allows it to progress, merely for the sake of banishing Matt from her head. Does that make sense now? If not feel free to email me with any further questions or comments regarding this, or any other, fan fiction that I have posted.   
  
Oh and the song featured in this is mine, so please don't take it. I trust you to be kind and caring, and not commit any felonies today.  
  
Feigning Love PART 4  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
I fear that I have become what I truly tried hard not to.   
  
An alter ego of myself.  
  
Most would brush off my worry with, "Oh Mimi you're being to hard on yourself. I would have done the same thing." But would they? If given the opportunity to break some ones heart, would they? I sincerely doubt that, and yet I was given that same opportunity and I took it. What does that say for me?   
  
Suffice to say, I got through to him. I believe he knows now that I care little if at all for him. But he believes a lie, a lie that I manufactured specifically for that reason. If only I had realized what my possible lie could do to him, perhaps I could have planned something a little... nicer.  
  
Not to worry, I'm sure Yamato Ishida is far from beaten; in fact that last blow should have given him hope that at least I cared enough to say, 'no' rather then simply slamming the door. I hope he got that out of it, if not anything else productive.  
  
But I can't sit here and wait for the time to come, when he tries again, because I am going to be late for my doctor's appointment. He'll have to try when I'm not busy, and willing to give him the time of day.  
  
I walk out the door at half past three and walk briskly down the street. I brush an errant tear that had been falling swiftly down my eyes away, as it is a symbol of my weakness. A weakness I refuse to give credence to, any longer.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
I will try again. If not for the sake of my love, then for the sake of saying, "I never give up". Though my carelessness got me here, and I'm sure that if I was give the chance to remedy my past actions, dating Kari would have been the first one to go.  
  
I figure it this way, if someone is truly the one I'm to love, then it will naturally work itself out. I hope this is what God meant, when he created fate.  
  
I have finally made it home, having gave up trying for the day, I sit limply on my bed and stare at my guitar. Perhaps a little music could snap me from my perpetual reverie.  
  
I was thinking of writing a song for Mimi, and play it at one of our gigs; one I know she'll show up to. I begin to hum a few bars, mentally filling in words that I could put in later.  
  
Two hours, and three music sheets later, I was complete. Now all I had to do was play it once to test it out.  
  
You can take my heart and my love  
But remember it's still me  
I can give all that I am  
For you to see  
  
Pain is not my passion  
And one day you will see  
That as long as I've got you  
You will always have me  
  
As far as I have come   
There is still more left to do  
Because in my travel I have learned  
That to ever be truly happy  
All I want is you  
  
Pain is not my passion  
And one day you will see  
That as long as I've got you  
You will always have me  
  
I have long forgotten   
That one day it may leave  
That love isn't constant  
Even for you and me  
I've prayed the day won't come  
And I will be left to alone  
But dreams and prayers can't be answered  
If my heart is not my own  
  
Pain is not my passion  
And one day you will see  
That as long as I've got you  
You will always have me  
  
Matt finished with a sweet twang on the strings, ending his newest song and wrote the title as being, "Veracity".   
  
He longed to sing the song and be in her arms doing so, but knew it would be a long time coming if at all.  
  
He sang the song again, to strengthen it further, but knew it could only be entirely complete once sung to the women it was inspired by.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
He hasn't called. I'm worried that perhaps something happened to him from my house to his, and he is somewhere dieing or worse... already dead. I shook my head to rid me of my disapprobation. I can't think horrible thoughts, because I have long found out that they sometimes come true.  
  
Instead I sit on my head. I take a pill for my heartburn, that's was the doctor's prognosis. He had told me it was nothing to worry about, that my stomach acids were just acting up. Yeah acting up and causing me pain.  
  
I popped the purple tablet into my mouth and swallowed it back with a glass of water. Oh well. My heart hurts, and my heartburn is bothering me too.  
  
"Matt please call!" I shouted to no one. I considered calling him my self, but refused to give him that type of lead.   
  
The phone ringing jarred me out of my thoughts.  
  
"Matt?!" I hastily asked when I picked up the receiver from its cradle.  
  
"Matt? No, it's me Ken." I wasn't sure if I should be thoroughly angry or happy that someone cared enough to call. I suppose it was neither.   
  
"Oh hello Ken. I wasn't expecting a call from you." I said cheerfully.  
  
"Obviously." He muttered. "I was calling to see how you were. After I left I'm sure Ishida did a number on your frail emotions." Ken was thoughtful, to the point of being annoying.  
  
"I suppose so." I replied simply. He accepted that for what it was. A dismissal.  
  
"Well alright then, I shall call you another time then." He said almost to himself it seemed. I didn't even say goodbye before the phone was back in its cradle once again. I sighed, the coolness of my room filling me to completion. God it was cold in here. I turned up the heat a few more joules and waited for the warmth to surround me.  
  
I fell asleep before my task was accomplished.  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
